Stories of home

There are days or moments when thoughts rush to a particular moment in the past.It dwells there and mostly bring some moisture in the eyes.Call it nostalgic,painful..life passed by leaves you with many such ones.And if the people who makes them are not there around then the pain simply doubles.Well this post is not about pain.But about the magic called memory.

Songs carry that memory.At sudden moments when you least expect them you are carried to the exact moment the song touched your heart.M.Balamuralikrishna 'bhadrachala keertanalu' are one such things which reigned for sometime in our house.Early morning when the house is still half awake his melodious voice would create some kind of truce between yesterday and today.The sound would often make arguing people to go silent, smiling people to quick their step..bliss in all levels.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ly_XSBNhOFE&playnext=1&list=PLD408FDF760832431

Story-1

She knew it was coming. Not that the thought did not play with her. It was just hanging in the air .Like some unanswered questions or some song which plays and she has no clue from where it is .Some thing like which stares at you long time until you force to see into its eyes.

And then she wrote this detailed letter to him.

Dear K,

We are done. I mean frankly what do we have in common. Almost absolutely nothing. I am OK with the running house thing , but when i come form work I need some one. I am not asking you too many things. Its been 2 years of marriage and can you imagine we have not been to any place except one temple and one funeral. You knew i was getting empty , like some thing is getting squeezed from me and I don't have anything to give to you . You are free to go. And let me go too. May be we will see again some time suddenly , some where . actually it does n'tmatter. Try to find some girl who is loud and adventurous. Its better than the plain me.

Oh you want to know where I want to go. I am running away with the guy from NSS team who is smiling too often. And he comes home by 6 in the evening. I think that's enough for me .

P.S : He is not as dashing as you.

Your wife.

Valli Amma .

Valli amma has almost entered her 70's and this was the thought that came to mind when I saw her 4 years back in between my hurried packing and stuffing all the things which could be brought only in india and which were often missed in her cooking experiments later . Small things like kavvam , nethi ginna , amitabachan spoons small glasses for daily coffee ritual .The thought brought a smile to her as how a small glass could be brought across 7 seas just to get the feel of the morning coffee and felt the prick of her husband's when he laughed at her remark that american mugs are too heavy to hold for the morning lazy fingers . Well that was now almost some time back and to see valli amma again in their house , the four years could be just cancelled in one second and she could be well transformed to the bubbly self of twenty something .

. As far as she could remember Valli amma had 4 sons , one being in the city and three other settled in various parts of the country .She preferred to stay with the third son who stayed near her home town so she could visit the yearly Kalyanam of Anandashewara swami every summer . Her father and elder brother were once the trustees of the temple and she was recognized very well by the the community . The kumbabhishekam always started by her father and later joined by all the members of the village . She would never miss the sight of the lingam after the abhishekam once all the alankaram was done .It felt like Lord shiva had come for a brief respite from his heavenly abodes and decided to come by for a small jiff of the beautiful scent of the flowers carefully picked by her mother and elder sister .The lingam was smeared with white vibuthis and then the large grand land of roses was placed delicately on the outer form of the lingam. It brought people from all spheres of life for the 4 days and the temple was a congregation of children running in all directions .Old relatives from far off villages , old uncles , the old man who sat in the temple corner and made jandhyams for the clan of men hoarding the temple . Her father never liked the man and fumed that the man was selling jandhyams in front of the lord which was not good . He was doing business in the name of god , infront of him which according to her father was a blasphemy . The thoughts valli amma remembered about him was the sweet scent of vibhuti which shafted through the air and stayed there .May be that was the reason that father allowed him to come to the temple she often thought .

She being the youngest of the family was often eluded from the important business of the house and was left for playing around during those days . Those were her child hood days and the sweet days of youth that the village has seen . Her playful step wandering between the house and the temple stopped by the small meeting of her friends , shrill voiced mammagaru , a hurried visit to her akka who lived nearby the temple , shoving into her hand the things her mother cooked in the morning or a small letter , the old woman who lived around the corner and helped some times her mother in making sweets and jantikalu at the time of the festival. Her mother often consulted the mammagaru when she was planning a heavy meal . At the age of 16 which was considered late by her father she was married to her husband a small gumasta in the adjoining town .She was taken by shock as her amma and nanna had arranged things so quickly and before she knew what was happening she was standing beside her husband for a formal photo inside the photographer shop . The single greasy photo of the proof of marriage which hung in the different homes she stayed in the different towns , she in the new creamy pattu pavada and he sitting in a wooden chair with a thick framed glasses and a stiff moustache . Children happened and a row of 4 boys in succession made her a busy mom later . But the yearly visit to the Kalyanam was a constant in her life . Something that was like a focal point and all the things revolving around that time .

Its strange how the concept of love undergoes a sea-change as the 30's coming running towards you and the twenty something is no longer the fashion of the day . The little quirky things done as an un-married free soul becomes the food to be fed for the hungry thoughts of the smug married lady .

Nanna , we miss you.

Dear nanna,

The emptiness you have left behind is unbearable. Its like we are rowing a boat which has no direction and the weight we carry is too much.

Remember the last time on may 7 when you and amma have come and boarded me the kesineni bus , strangely i cried that time .It was just trip to chennai and i was to come back in a few days . may be 2 weeks . But suddenly i could not part to leave you and amma and i cried .Strange that I should cry then and there . It was so unlike me.The strange pain that i felt that day and the feeling that stayed with me from then on . A little uneasiness at the bottom of the heart which made me call and you call back almost 5 to 6 times a day . The last glimpse that i saw that day in your eyes as if you were to see me for the last time . Strange .

Now when i look back may be the fate knew that they were the few happy moments we were to spend then ..the few funny discussions and happy patches we were to spend as a family . The happiness you felt when i decided to dispatch myself to chennai was almost visible .

I was happy then , happy that there would be always a perfect family waiting for me in hyderabad when ever i choose to come back . but of course the gods are too sadistic to even save me that happiness you see , they had to snatch you .

Good for them .

Always missing you forever ,

KB.

Seen too much!

I want to write this story .I just cannot keep it with me any more.It is too heavy a load to carry all the time and though no can call me as drooping , my shoulders have got a bit of droop in these last two years. I have second thoughts also , just not to write any where ( can't say what kind of luck do these things give about ) ... may be i just need to pretend that nothing happened that i have not missed or will not miss any one any more in future ..may be i should just pretend that i am very smart , dynamic girl who doesn't carry any load with her , throws off every bad experience away and keeps a smile always , like all the forward mail abt happiness ask u to do, ..like the tips abt 'how to be happy' teach you. May be there is nothing to be sad about like a third person might say .Only how you can take things like ..you see modern day girls are not like granny 's they just shred old memories without a tear ..and don't look glum ..they work hard to keep themselves busy more than some times 10 hrs a day ....they read so much , know so much..what do they not know at all....

Some un said words die near the lips ..
only to be heard by the little wind near by ..
and make no difference ..what so ever.